Lately I’ve been feeling like an odd ball. I don’t know if it’s stress but for some reason I feel like there’s something missing in me. It is most likely my social-anxiety talking. Anxiety likes to keep you locked up inside your head, it clouds your every thought, it makes you believe things you normally wouldn’t. I like to call it a shame storm.
I know all the signs and red flags of a shame storm, but still… somedays it’s hard not to fully believe anxiety.
There are days that I feel connected and happy and then there are the days, like today, when I feel I’m missing the gene that was meant for making and maintaining friendships.
This feeling is a dark and lonely room. It comes on slowly, when I’m stressed. When my brain is fizzled. It likes to gather up all the people in my life who left me or hurt me. And those ghost of my past like to haunt me day in and day out until I finally find a way to make it stop.
So today, I’m just not sure. Is it really me? Or just the negative voice in my head that wants to keep me down? And do you ever wonder if the awful things you think, on days like these, other people think them too?
I guess these types of questions should be left for a day when I’m not stuck in the shame trenches.
It’s time for some gratitude…